Photo with the Minister

As a young lad, the very first thing that I would look in the morning newspaper everyday was photos of the rich and famous. My dream then was to have my photograph in Malayala Manorama, the famous Malayalam newspaper, and that too with none other than my favorite political icon and state minister Shri K M Mani whom people fondly called ‘Mani Sir’.

In Kerala, normally a state minister or a local MLA(member of the legislative assembly) would inaugurate new roads, even if the road was just a mile long! All the local newspapers would feature it with a photograph of the minister and a few local people around him.

Having seen this trend, I eagerly awaited the upcoming inauguration of a connecting road between two villages namely, Uzhavoor and Kudakkachira. My plan was to study all newspaper reports (read photos!!) of ministers inaugurating roads to make my own strategy. The effort was to place myself in such a place from where I for sure will appear somewhere in the background when the minister does the honours.

After a long study and in-depth strategy formation, I was finally prepared. The event was identified, the day was zeroed in and obviously the location was ‘picture-perfect’. I waited for the D-day. I was one of the first ones to reach the venue on that day and ensure my place as per my plan. I stood right behind the large inaugural stone covered by a colourful silk cloth which the minister would unveil as a sign of inauguration and officially open the road for the public. Though there was not enough space in the area behind for me to stand, I managed to balance myself in the little elevated place behind the inauguration stone.  Now I was waiting for the Minister to arrive.

Alas the minister arrived, but he also brought along with him a lot of new people whom I had never seen. In addition, there erupted a mad rush among the already present people. Each of them pushed, pulled and grabbed each other to get a glimpse of  Mani Sir. I tried to hold on real strong but the pressure of over two dozen people pushing on me was too much for my lean body to withstand  and in that chaos I got pushed out and  fell down just right at the moment when the minister unveiled the stone. Overrun by the crowd, almost biting the dust under the legs of so many people, tired and exhausted, I saw the cameras flashing, heard people clapping and malapadakkam bursting.

The next day’s newspaper featured a photo of the event with those latecomers in the backdrop but no trace of me. I looked at it over and again with my sprained leg and bruises all over my hands and face, determined that I would become a minister someday and inaugurate roads. The newspapers then will have to publish my photo!

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¼th of an Egg

There are one set of memorable or rather funny instances in our childhood which we remember more because of our ‘ignorant innocence’ then, which we now realize. Then there is another set of instances which occurred more because there was no alternative. It was the best choice then under all constraints, and needless to say, they became some of the most heart-touching moments of our life. Hats off to my mother and all mothers who leave such memorable moments for their children.

As a child, my mother would usually give me only one-fourth or occasionally half of a boiled egg. I loved eggs and whenever I demanded a full egg, she told me that full eggs are ‘not very healthy’ for our body. “It will cause stomach upsets and your friends would make fun of you” warned my mother. I saw her logic and sat pretty satisfied with my portion of the egg.

In my school, kids from rich families used to get one or even two full eggs in their lunch box. Every time I saw them gobble those full eggs, I would enviously turn my head away with one of those ‘I-can’t-too-want-it’ feeling, but at the same time, I enjoyed the thought of how they would have to run to their restrooms again and again due to stomach upsets! Months passed by and they kept eating full eggs, but never did I hear of a single day that they had a bad stomach. Yet, keeping in mind the words of my mom, I was very optimistic that some day they would get one. After all, mothers can’t go wrong.

It was much later in my life that I realized my mother gave me only one-fourth of an egg not because she believed that a full egg could cause stomach upsets, but because she could not afford to give it.  We never bought eggs from the market simply because we did not have a budget for this item. The only eggs we had were from our home grown, cage-free hens and whatever they laid had to be divided between my brothers and sisters.

Simply speaking, more the eggs they laid, more I had in my share.

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Jingle all the way

Gosh, do I miss those lovely memories of my childhood in our village especially during Christmas season!!

Some of those images still linger in my mind as fresh as it happened yesterday. Images of St. Stephen’s Church getting painted, men – both young and old working overtime to ensure that the church and schools are illuminated well,  shopkeepers decorating their shop that not just added to the overall festive mood but also called for a chance to win cash awards instituted by the church for the best shop decorations,  and of course the elaborate preparations done at our homes for Christmas.Children would have just completed their Christmas Examinations (mid-term exams) and  would be busy ‘shopping’ Mary and Joseph among others, making stars with bamboo sticks, arranging for color papers and other decorations, all of which finally culminated in making a Manger. The Manger I’m talking about was an organic one, using different materials grown and found around my house.

The Manger, or Pullkoodu as we call it, was primarily made of enthella and grass and would normally measure nothing less than 4 feet by 6 feet. It was not an easy task to make one and sometimes took more than two complete days of work for me and three of by buddies. But the most difficult and challenging  part was not making the Pullkoodu but getting money from my parents to buy decorations and props to put around the empty Manger. Limited funds would mean using same old angel with broken wings to sing halleluiah, the three kings getting down-sized to one, and of course the ‘previous years’ Joseph, Mary and the infant Jesus getting washed and repainted for reuse. Needless to mention, it also meant my two little sheep adjusting without a shepherd for yet another year.

Pullkoodu would be up and ready by 6 pm on 24th evening with everything in it except the infant Jesus. I was allowed to place the baby Jesus inside ‘my manger’ only on 24th midnight, since I was told that the birth of baby Jesus took place at the midnight mass in my local church. This meant that after almost a week of laborious work, I had to wait from 6pm to 1159pm on 24th. Well, I never complained about it but invariably, for many years,  I would end up  falling asleep resulting in my infant Jesus appearing in my Pullkoodu only next day morning – depending upon the time I woke up!

I remember, year after year, I would be extremely pissed off with myself for falling asleep at that crucial time and wondered why no one reprimanded me for this act (unlike other times when I would be punished for falling asleep, especially during studying). I guess no one minds a sound sleep after days of hard work!

NickerDays.com is always awake to wish you a very Happy and Joyful Christmas, and to listen to your nicker days Christmas stories. Share your JOY now and enjoy this wonderful season with us.

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Majboori Ka Naam – Branding

As a young lad, I grew up in a small but densely populated colony in Rajasthan. Our colony had some very interesting characters, and even more interesting was Theyyamma. She was specially brought in miles down from Kerala primarily to take care of a ‘young me’. As I recall, she was bold, smart, very talkative, and did not know an iota of Hindi.

It was very hard for her to retain the simplest of the north Indian names of our neighbours and this was seriously hampering her ‘inborn’ ability to gossip about literally anyone in this world.  She tried hard for the first few months to learn these names, but failed miserably. So she decided to come up with her own solution. She gave Malayalam names to almost every character she saw around, and each of those names were based on some physical or attitudinal characteristics of the individual.

So, welcome to world of extremely interesting ‘South meets North’ names which is still being referred to by us as well as our neighbours when we recollect the golden Theyyamma era;

Velutha Thalla – Our neighbour aunty who was very fair and had beautiful skin, as per Theyyamma’s School of Beauty

Valya Thalla – For another neighbour aunty who was “obese plus’, probably due to the nine deliveries she had

Cheekapindi –  Valya Thalla’s husband, who would never smile, come what may

Mattey Kanni – For my sister’s friend who considered herself as a ‘beauty contest material’, but had squint eyes

Sofa Set Manushyan - A man in our neighborhood who used to make sofas & chairs for living

Manga Manager – The fruit vendor we saw everyday and considered himself a ‘business tycoon’

Kannadi Kuttapan – The clean shaved grocery shop guy who used to wear spectacles and was the most soft spoken man in our colony – so soft sometimes you could hardly make out what he said.

Pichathi Thalla – To the only business woman we used go to for sharpening our knives and other steel utensils. Well she also had a tongue as sharp as the knives

Today, years later when I look back (with an advertising diploma in hand!), I think Theyyamma was born for creating brands. She was a ‘brand guru’ in herself since the  brands she created live in my heart as strong as ‘Lalitaji’ of Surf, or Cherry Blossom’s Chaplin or MRF’s muscleman.

My pick for Cannes Lions out of  Theyyamma’s work is “Kannadi Kuttappan”. Tell us which one you think is most hilarious. Also, if you have any such instances of ‘name-giving’, we will be glad to hear.

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And the award goes to…!!

As a child, I won several awards. These include some of the ‘top’ awards for sports, the best student award and a few for acting too.  I was once awarded the ‘most promising young writer’ trophy and then the big one at the age of ten – award for ’outstanding contribution towards Indian cinema’.  However, what I loved the most was when I had to speak to the amazed and cheering audience after receiving each of these awards. In my speech, I would emotionally thank everyone starting from the Almighty to my parents and most important my wife for being my strength in all what I do. The media covered each of these functions extravagantly as many film celebrities attended them often.  Most of these ceremonies were held in the mornings and most interestingly, the venue and the sets of this ceremony would be same for each award. The venue was none other than our bathroom and the center stage would be…..my toilet seat!!!!

Even though I won lots of awards ‘instituted by me, handed over to me by myself in privately held award functions hosted by me’, I could never win one which I could show others.  My desire to win an award motivated me to get into various cultural, academic and sports events including an eating competition!! Unfortunately, I never made it to the first three positions in any of them.  It was then that my Sunday school catechism, in order to encourage children to attend classes regularly, announced an award for students who had 100% attendance for the whole year. These children would otherwise be too busy watching the famous Hindu epic Ramayana on television.  Desperate for an award, this turned out to be the perfect opportunity for me. I bagged the award – not once but twice in a row - making these the only awards that I ever won in my life.

I thank God for his teachings that were so tough to learn that it needed Sunday after Sunday, over several years to be taught to young children. This made it very difficult for most of the students to attend each and every class, which in turn made it an award winning opportunity for children like me – who would have otherwise remained an award-winning-child only within the closed doors of the ‘Kodak Theatre’called bathroom.

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Ting-Ting

I’ve never been a fan of the KSRTC (Kerala State Transport) buses.  I think they lack creativity – all of them look the same with the same dull colors, no fancy horns and the worst, they don’t have names like the private buses in Kerala! On the other side, the private buses has no uniformity – no two buses look alike neither do they have similar names, unless the owner has a fleet of buses and uses the same name and colors for all his buses. Well, I’m a big critic of this approach because you won’t name all your kids with the same name, do we? I think every bus deserves an identity – at least an individual name.

‘Bus names’ have always fascinated me and Kerala is the best place where you cannot miss this phenomenon. There, almost anything you can think of can be put as buses names. Right from name of saints to actresses, to house names to short forms. I love these names because it not only gives a personality to these buses, but each name symbolizes something and has a nostalgic story to tell.

For instance, “Santosh” though means happiness was not a happy name for me as our Mathematics teacher used to travel in this bus and I was really scared of her. Needless to mention, when I heard the news that Santosh had a flat tire it brought immense joy to me and a lot of my friends – No Math class!

“Sherly” though sounds like a female name was macho by itself. It was one of the very few fast passenger buses that went through my village. Sherly was all about speed. As a young child I always wished they should name it PT Usha instead.

“Nirmala” means spotless but it always left dirty spots on me due to its rash driving. Also, I was scared to board that bus since I had heard of some very tragic accidents it had.

“Mary Matha” named after Mother Mary was my childhood all-time favorite bus and I eagerly waited to see. Not because of its religious connection (in case you are assuming it!), it was because one of the prettiest girls in our middle school named Sneha used to travel in it. No flat tire please, I prayed.

Then there was Jairaj, St.Jude, Kukku, KPMS, Bharat…. The list goes on and on. I’m sure you will also remember some really memorable bus names as a child. Do share some of those names and relive those childhood memories. Also, if you have any memorable instances linked to these bus names, we would be glad to hear them.

Photo Credit: conchwillow

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Ice cream bhi, Paise bhi

Ice creams have been a timeless fascination for kids of all ages in India. At the same time, Ice creams have also been the biggest bone of contention between parents and kids, even today.

During my childhood days in Rajasthan, ice creams could basically be divided into 3 different categories – the cone ice creams costing Rs. 2 which was a luxury and was meant for those who had lots of money, the milk ice creams costing Rs.1 for those who are able to save money and afford it, and the ice candies for the common man each costing 10 paise, 20 paise & 25 paise depending on their sizes. These candies used to come in variety of flavours and colours – orange flavour had bright orange colour, mango flavour had bright yellow colour, rose flavour was a deep red colour and then there was a green coloured one for which none of the ice cream vendors could convincingly define a flavour. My target was always the orange flavoured ones.

Seth Ice-creams used to have small trolleys being pushed around by vendors along the narrow lanes & streets of Jodhpur. As these ice-cream walas went around, they made a typical noise by banging the wooden cover of their trolley to the box. My mom hated that sound and needless to say, I loved it.  Every time I used to hear that sound by Seth Saab (we named him that after the brand he used to sell), I would run to my mom asking her to buy me one of those orange candies. She initially used to scold me saying that it’s not good for health, but that argument soon lost steam since I could see many of the other children buying those colored candies and enjoying them, and never falling sick. Then she came up with her all-time-best excuse saying she did not have money and that I will have to ask my dad some money to buy it the next day. Well, that was out of question since I used to be quite scared of him.

My fear of asking money from my dad made me humbly submit to her reasons, and every day morning and evening, I stood at my door watching other kids enjoy their candies. This went on for a couple of weeks and I had lost all hopes until one day I saw something eye opening.  To my surprise, I saw Seth Saab giving an ice-cream to a neighborhood aunty and along with it he also gave the lady some money. That was it.  I ran home and confronted my mom demanding an ice-cream. As expected, she refused citing she had no money. “We don’t need money, all we need is to ask him for an ice-cream and he will give us money as well” I replied. My mom was confused.  “Say that again?” she demanded.  “We don’t need to give him money for ice-cream. He will give us ice-cream as well as money” I repeated. My mom was puzzled. I explained to her how I saw Seth Saab giving both ice-cream and money to our neighbour few minutes ago. She thought for a moment and started laughing aloud. She gave me a one rupee note and asked me to get my regular 20 paise orange candy.

I rushed to Seth Saab, who had already vanished into the other blocks of neighborhood and asked for an orange candy and gave him the Rs 1 note. He gave me an orange candy and some coins along with it. Holding orange candy in one had and the money in the other, I ran to my mother and said “dekho, Ice cream bhi Paisa bhi”. My mom, taking a bite from my precious orange candy, explained that Seth Saab had actually returned the change for the balance paid to buy the ice cream. Her explanation did not make any sense to my young mind. After all, it was the matter of an orange candy everyday – till she can come up with another excuse!!

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Military Uncle

I watch more KCET TV than any other channel these days. If you have a toddler at home, you know what I am talking about. “I grew up with KCET TV, in fact I grew up because of KCET” – this made me think about my own childhood. There are many people who steered my young mind into somewhat maturity and balance that I believe I have achieved over the years.

Mukundan Moothachan (Moothachan – mother’s elder sister’s husband) had a very early and positive influence on me. The relationship sounds pretty distant from the description but he is my “Uncle” in English! I was 4-5 years old when my mother started dropping me off at my Muthamma’s (mother’s elder sister) place when she went to work. Even after I started going to school, I was dropped off there when my parents went some place. I liked to go there on weekends and evenings – mostly to hear some stories from uncle and eat some specials made by aunty.

Mukundan uncle retired from Indian Army and was home most of the time after his ambitious flour mill project never took off (The horror stories of trying to setup industry in pre-liberalized India is a topic of another story). It will be impossible to find a military veteran in any village in India as Army recruits large number of rural men who either likes to escape grinding poverty or likes the excitement of action and opportunity to see outside world.  Their stories (fondly called Pattalam Badayi – or Military Glories) of their military days are derided as clichés by the “educated” lots but sought after by common men for its entertainment value. I was privileged to hear those stories first-hand and on a daily basis for years from very early age. Stories of how a fellow soldier “forgot” to throw the grenade after removing the pin and exploded in his hands, how they kicked the dough to make roti’s for hundreds of men in the kitchen and how they were asked to run around the ground with 50 Kg wheat bags on their back as punishment for not getting ready by 4:00 AM in the morning.

He taught me how to read newspapers. He read me daily headlines of Iran-Iraq war and told me how their fighting is supported by US and USSR for their self-interests. He taught me history of Indo-Pak and Indo-China wars. He kept the juiciest and sweetest mangoes he collected from the yard for me. He took me with him for his fishing trips. He asked me to get some mixtures (spicy rice crisps, mixed with roasted peanuts) from the next door tea shop for him to munch with his daily evening servings of whisky. He could get three 750 ml bottles at reduced price from Military Canteen. He earned frugal amount of pension and sold two out of the three bottles at market price and kept one bottle for himself. He taught me the value of money as he spent no more than 50 paise (one cent in US) every day for the daily dose of snacks.

I gave him company by munching some hot snacks while he sipped his shot and slipped into more military heroics. When he lightened up, he told me stories of how an entire platoon of soldiers tried to peep through a single binocular to get a glimpse of tribal woman taking bath in the creek. Till then, I thought people used binoculars for seeing birds in a sanctuary! Then he became poetic and taught me that girls are like birds in a sanctuary – if you adore them from distance, they won’t fly away!

He had one medical problem. He was diabetic and his feet developed some infections that never dried up. So he had extra wide cotton wound dressing (not the cheap white ones – but fancy tan colored ones) wrapped around his calf all the time. Since he folded up his lungi (like most Kerala men), I could always see the clean dressing draped and pinned down on both legs.

I was very sympathetic to his “money woes” as I overheard uncle and aunty arguing over money. I felt guilty of sharing the snacks with him every day. I had a very “bright” idea that would solve his money problem by turning his “biggest weakness” into “core strength”.  I don’t know why I was thinking like a Harward MBA when I was just six year old, but when I shared my idea with him, it cracked him up and made him roll over the floor laughing. The idea was that he buys a steel bowl and goes to the bus stop every day and people would give him money because his bandage around his legs would make people sorry for him – I didn’t know it was called begging and it was a very derogatory thing to say until I was beaten up heavily by my dad for saying this to my uncle. I thought it was a genuine idea and I should have given credit for “outside-the-box” thinking. Unfortunately, my dad was not a B-school material and he was just a police constable whose job in those days was mostly to beat innocent peopleJ. My uncle was not offended by my innocent idea – in fact he thought I was clever. He praised me for unconventional thinking and explained to me why people won’t give him money due to his fancy wound dressings pinned down by steel pins.

Years went by and I grew up to be a young man of reasonable success in my hamlet. One day, I learned that Mukundan uncle is in the hospital due to some organ failure and he may not live longer. I went to see him at the hospital and he was very happy to see me. I spent some good time with him and on parting I offered him some money to take care of some expenses. He was a very proud man and never accepted money from others. But he took it and whispered with a grin on his face that he can use it to buy a steel bowl!

Sree Sreedhar is a Hydrologist and GIS expert,  with a Bachelors in Civil Engineering and Master’s in Water Resources Engineering (IIT Delhi), blogging and tweeting about anything spicy and that interests global citizens! ‘Military Uncle’ is an interesting  incident  from his nicker days’ memories of growing up in Kottam village, Kannur District, Kerala. Currently, he is living in Southern California with his wife and son. You can read more of Sree’s blogs at Global Curry.

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Horn OK Please

My three year old son, to my surprise, hasn’t yet shown any interest in honking horns when we play games. Neither do I expect him to grow up dreaming of driving around the city honking when he gets his first car.  Well, all I can say is that he is going to miss the thrill of this honking which his dad always dreamt of and as a matter of fact still does!

I grew up hearing horns of different kinds – right from the custom made horns of different melodies which young motor bikers had on their fancy bikes to the ear piercing horn sounds of fast passenger buses that would blow you apart from miles away as they approached our school bus stand. And of course, how can I forget the old fashioned trademark horn from the government owned KSRTC buses which were produced by the driver pressing a small empty rubber ball attached to a small trumpet shaped honk. For me, every time I heard these different horns, it was like a symphony of a different kind and needless to mention: more the variety of horns, the merrier it seemed.

As a child, my thoughts were not on which vehicle to buy when I grow up, but what kind of horn I should have on my vehicle.  I always was fascinated by the one fitted on our neighbor Pius Chettan’s brand new Maruti Omni van. His new van, with sliding doors and a 5 feet long radio antenna,  had a  latest horn that you could honk with the touch of a finger and that too almost literally touching anywhere on the steering wheel. I marveled at the ‘progress of  horn engineering’. And, I decided one day I will have a horn like this along with a “Horn OK Please” painted in red on the bumper of  my new vehicle (like many trucks have even today)  inviting the drivers behind you to ‘please’ honk at you.

Well, even after 30 years, this fantastic ‘horn culture’ still remains good in India. Though, a lot has been written and said about these horns causing noise pollution and some types of horns even banned by law, it still remains one of the most fascinating elements of driving on Indian roads. Surprisingly, a lot is communicated too using the ‘language of horns’ – the irritating non-stop honk demonstrating your anger, the cute 1 second touch honk to politely make your presence felt, the enchanting musical honking while you are in the best of your moods or even the unnecessary random honking to normally show off  your new car.  Indeed an inexpensive way to showcase your expensive cars and pride.

Well, feel free to blow your ‘horn experience’ from around the world in the comments below.

Photo Credit: Rahul Desai

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Spiceless Journey

Sakti Talkies, the age-old movie hall in our village, occupied a special place in the hearts of all of us irrespective of our age. In fact, it still does. The tottered cinema hall, covered with weary coconut leaves had an ambience of its own. There were no comfortable push-back seats, no Dolby sound system, not even an air conditioner, yet it was like the mecca of entertainment for us.

Watching a movie in the theatre during Onam season was like an unwritten commandment for all the young lads in our village. We looked forward to it the whole year. I proudly made it at least once a year during this festive season. However, the usual Malayalam family drama movies at Sakti Talkies were considered ‘out-of-fashion’ by us, the high school boys, who instead were looking for a trigger to our ‘recently-acquired’ hormones.

Enter Asha cinema, a theatre in the nearby town, which would illegally insert five-minute X-rated English movie clips between the regular cinema. Even though, I had heard about this ‘dream-place’, I was yet to get a first hand experience of it due to insufficient funds – the minimum ticket used to be Rs.2 which was the seat nearest to the screen.

I made it to Asha cinema finally on a Sunday morning in search of the unseen. As per my expectation, the theater was packed with what I would now call ‘men with unmanageable hormones’. The theater played a flop Tamil movie and none from the audience showed any interest for it. The wait was for the ‘in-between’ clips. There was no specific time for them to play them but my ‘well informed sources’ had told me that it would be played after the intermission – half-time for a regular cinema.

My excitement of going to see something which I had not seen in fifteen years of life mounted as the movie resumed after intermission. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears almost like the clock ticking ..tick-tick-tick-tick…..well there was also a fear since this was my first time. Almost 10 minutes had passed after the intermission but still there were no signs of ‘our movie’. The Tamil movie just went on. I could hardly understand a line of it but I waited, like many others around. The wait was long and finally the movie ended without any clips!!

Feeling humiliated, frustrated and definitely furious, several men rushed to the Manager’s office demanding an explanation for this ‘irresponsible act’. The manager apologetically disclosed that the police had raided the cinema hall few days back, and that he has been warned that the cinema hall would be shut forever if any more such clips were shown.

Angry, sad and dejected, I walked back home contemplating on the old saying ‘Good things don’t last long’!

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